I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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