I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
