how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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