I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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