I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
