He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
God, I missed his penis.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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