every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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