there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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