I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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