you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
