she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
