If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize