I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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