I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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