if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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