He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
