I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
