i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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