I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
this hospital has no fireball
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
