Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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