i will never coherently bang her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
