Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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