the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
