I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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