I can tuck mytits in my pants
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
