Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
