i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
