Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
