Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
