I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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