Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
