as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
