If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize