I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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