Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
