I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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