So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
