All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
