i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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