you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
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It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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