This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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