She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
