Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
