I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
