i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
