I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is Oprah even human
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
