i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
