when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
