Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Someone signed my nipple.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
