When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
