I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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