my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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