Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
