It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
