I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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