booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
