Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She told me I should be a condom model.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
