I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
