i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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