So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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