Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
