maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i now understand why vodka
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
