Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
