I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
