4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
