Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
either way he was missing a nipple.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
