conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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