im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
