Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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