YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
