dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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