The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
