you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
