Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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