I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
