I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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