dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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