He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
