Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
