I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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