So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
