It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
